The Way I Need

I once prayed that that I could see her more often. I once prayed that I'd be able to meet her more often. I prayed that You would allow me to talk to her more often too. And I also prayed that You would allow me to be with her someday. To have her in my life. To love her with all my heart. But if You just wouldn't allow my last prayer to happen, I prayed that I could still be friend with her. I prayed that there'd be no hatred between me and her.

And You have showed that You have answered all those prayers. Yes, You really allow me to see her more often (that I could not even count it). You did allow me to often meet her, even when she finally did something that hurt me, though sometimes I just didn't know what to do.


But You answered my two (or maybe three) last prayers in such a mysterious way. It began when I felt that I was betrayed by one of my friend, who used to say that he supported me and wanted to help me. But he felt something else, he decided to get closer to her himself. I felt like he stuck a knife on my back, truly.

But when the three of us talked together, I decided to let her go. I gave it all away cause her heart is not for me. But strangely, by this "incident", I realize You recently allow me to often "talk" to her. And You allow us not to hate each other. And I THANK YOU for that.

But I still don't know about Your real answer for prayer to be with her. I can only see two possible things to happen. You might want to tell me that it's not yet my time to be with her (But I really don't hope for it anymore) Or maybe You really want to say that we're really not meant to be and it's not our destiny to be together.

If it's not our time yet, I know the time will surely come for us, sooner or later (once again I don't really hope for it). And if I'm not allowed to be with her, I know that I'll find the best and the perfect one for me (this is what I really hope and pray). And whatever it may take then, I know it's gonna be the best for me and her. Cause the truth is that now I'm expecting nothing but friendship from her. And I realize that You don't always answer all my prayers by the way I want, but it's always the way I need.